


The Very True Stories of the Very Stereotypical Founders

by bookwormswillruletheworld, megSUPERFAN



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Canon What Canon, Comedy, Hogwarts Founders - Freeform, Hogwarts Founders Era, Not Canon Compliant, Stereotypes, very stereotypical
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-17
Updated: 2021-03-17
Packaged: 2021-03-25 21:22:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,056
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30095322
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bookwormswillruletheworld/pseuds/bookwormswillruletheworld, https://archiveofourown.org/users/megSUPERFAN/pseuds/megSUPERFAN
Summary: This is a completely made up story about the Hogwarts founders, because we know nothing about them. I'd like to make it clear that this is supposed to be comedy and the accents are definitely horrible. We do not mean to offend and welcome constructive criticism. Almost all of the canon knowledge we have about the founders got tossed out in the writing of this story. Slytherin is redheaded, superstitious and not a blood purist in the least.This story is written as the founders together in the afterlife writing their stories as they remember them, setting the record straight.
Comments: 7
Kudos: 3





	1. A Preface by the Sorting Hat

**Author's Note:**

> I would like to say once again that we mean no offense by all the stereotypes at all. Please enjoy the chaos and laughs! I would also like to thank my incredible coauthor, beta, and inspiration in chaos, megSUPERFAN aka Megolas! I apologize for not adding this last night

I’ve always been the singing type,

My life’s been weird and fairly long,

And four odd founders are the base

For this, my pretty prologue song.

Pay close attention, readers dear,

And please don’t take any offense,

For many cliché elements

Make up this random tale’s contents.

I know you want to meet them all,

For that is why you’re sitting here,

I’m quite amused by what went down,

So I will tell it loud and clear.

I first shall introduce the four,

They are eccentric, they are strange,

But found a school they did, and more,

So give them credit, for a change.

We follow them throughout the months

And get a peek into their lives,

Their interactions, and their selves,

Their tale shall serve as their archives.

I first shall introduce the bold,

As jolly British as they come,

Please clap for Godric Gryffindor,

And raise your mugs of tea or rum.

He never fails to raise a sword,

His posh accent is to be feared,

He can be boastful or a pest,

But always nicely trims his beard.

Next Ravenclaw, a bonnie lass,

Rowena, stately as a queen,

A Scottish beauty, winter born,

Whose wit is sharp and ever keen.

Exasperated easily,

She nonetheless is kind and true,

She has a heart to match her mind,

And always wears her tartan blue.

We meet dear Helga Hufflepuff,

Who hails from Wales;

her fervent goal

Is to reward the good and true,

She has a dragon tamer’s soul.

She’ll stand no nonsense but her own,

She’s practical, and yet her eye Is full of twinkling merriment,

She every virtue will apply.

The final founder, not the least,

Is Salazar, the Irish one,

All clad in varied shades of green,

His superstitions rival none.

His surname, Slytherin, is apt,

For slither his companions do,

Extremely fond of snakes is he,

A fact the others suffer through.

And so concludes my prologue now,

With these neat portraits of the four,

But still I beg you linger yet,

You won’t regret if you read more!

Their stories filled with stereotypes

Are gathered here for you to see,

Please laugh aloud if you’re inclined,

And if you hate it, don’t blame me.

A Brief Note From the Authors:

This is a completely made up story. We took what was canon about the founders, put it in a blender,

put it through a strainer, and took what we wanted from it (essentially: the founder’s names and where they were from).

We then took the rest, tossed it in a dumpster and lit it on FIRE! We announce here that neither of us live in these regions;

neither are we fully and flawlessly educated. Any inaccuracies regarding Wizarding World canon and general history of Earth are to be expected,

but you may still point them out to us so that, if accidental, we can fix them. We would like to apologize to anyone we unintentionally offend with our horrible accents

and stereotypes. If there are any truly harmful stereotypes we used, please let us know and we’ll edit them out. If it’s just an annoying stereotype

(like all Scotts play bagpipes) We are sorry to offend, but it’s just supposed to be stupid comedy. Also, to

anyone who expects blood purity from Slytherin: you are out of luck and you can hop right off.

Enjoy the chaos,

Varda and Megolas


	2. How This All Got Started

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We get an introduction to the founders, and they tell us how they decided to found Hogwarts.

This story begins in a room with four old friends and some whiskey. You may think this sounds like a boring story, but I assure you it is not. The four friends in question are by name Godric Gryffindor, Rowena Ravenclaw, Helga Hufflepuff, and Salazar Slytherin. Close in life, these friends were equally close in death. They all died at separate times after long, ripe lives; Godric first (but what did you expect), then Rowena, then Salazar, and then Helga last, but after they all died, they of course arranged another meeting. It is in this afterlife that our story begins. They gathered in a castle, much like the one in which they started Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry but simpler. Each had their own suite, but they spent most of their time in a common area. Let us witness the founders as they were at the time.

Rowena Ravenclaw was sitting in her reading chair close to the fire, with her tumbler of scotch on the table next to her. One might assume that our lady Rowena was curled in her chair, but she would never relax in such an unladylike fashion. The same cannot be said for dear Helga. Even though she wore skirts as long and proper as Rowena’s, Helga could never be made to care how she was sitting. At this moment, she was lying across an overstuffed couch with her head in Salazar's lap. On the floor next to her sat a cup of tea that had been heavily spiked with whiskey. Salazar, our charming ginger, dressed as always in his fitting suit with a snake around his arm, was sitting on the end of the overstuffed couch, petting Helga’s head. To his left on the side table sat a tumbler, much like Rowena’s, filled with the finest Irish whiskey. The final member of our quartet was settling into his traditional plush armchair. Godric was the only one not drinking whiskey or scotch. He preferred a hearty British ale but was settling in with his evening tea after his pint. Suffice to say, all the members of our merry crew were slightly buzzed.  
Rowena was reading from a current edition of Hogwarts: A History (yes, we do get current books in the afterlife). Finishing her chapter, Rowena looked up at her group of friends and began declaring, “Ya’ know they ‘ave this all wrong. Tha’ think we started Hogwarts in on o’ our castles. As if we ‘ad castles. An’ tha’ wanna give Salazar credit for Beverly.”  
“They think we ‘ad castles? That’s ridiculous.” Helga chimed in, never opening her eyes or moving at all from her position in Salazar’s lap.  
“Tha’ wanna give me credit for Beverly? Don’ they know ‘ow she came to be?” Salazar asked reaching for his glass.  
“I knew the world ‘ad gone crazy lately, bu’ that cannot be true,” Godric added.  
“We should write ‘ow it really happened. Don’tch think, Rowena?” Helga lifted her head to look at her friend.  
“Now that’s an idea! Wha’d ya boys think?”  
“I think it sounds like a dandy idea! How ‘bout you, Salazar?”  
“If it gives me a chance to set the record straight on wha’ I stand for, then I’m all for it.”  
“Well then, shall we begin?” Rowena put her copy of Hogwarts: A History on the table and picked up her wand. “Accio parchment and quill. Where shall we begin? Oh, I know.”  
This story begins in a pub in Glasgow-  
“It does not, Rowena, we were in Aberdeen,” Helga interrupted, sitting up on the couch and almost knocking Salazar’s whiskey glass out of his hand in the process.  
“Fine.”  
This story begins in a pub in Aberdeen-  
“Watch it, Helga, ye almost doused me in whiskey, an’ yer wrong. We weren’t in Aberdeen; we were in Dublin,” Salazar fussed.  
“Sorry, Salazar. Yer right, twas in Dublin that we met the first time.”  
“So Dublin it is.”  
This story begins in a pub in Dublin-  
“All of you are wrong-”  
“GODRIC, I swear to Merlin, if you interrupt me once more-” Rowena snapped, pointing her wand at Godric.  
“Sorry, Ro, but we met in London the first time.”  
“Fine, I’ll start again, but if anyone interrupts me before I get this sentence written, I’ll hex them into the next century.”  
This story begins in a pub. Where this pub was we don’t remember. Perhaps because it was in a pub and we all were drinking. We four, Godric Gryffindor, Rowena Ravenclaw, Helga Hufflepuff, and Salazar Slytherin, had been exchanging letters for a time and had decided to meet…

Rowena arrived first, as usual for her overly cautious nature. She was dressed in her usual blue, green, and bronze tartan. She had taken a back table of the pub and ordered a scotch to pass the time. She saw Helga arrive, or she assumed it was Helga based on the black and gold she was wearing. Helga slipped the hood of her cloak off her head, revealing her elegantly pulled back golden butternut hair. She spotted Rowena in the back and made her way to the table.  
“Rowena Ravenclaw, I presume?” Helga asked, inclining her head  
“Aye. You’ll be Helga Hufflepuff then? Please, sit.” Rowena gestured to the seat next to her. Helga took off her cloak and sat down, settling her skirts.  
“Have the others arrived yet?” Helga asked, gesturing for the serving girl “I’ll have a whiskey, luv, if you’ve got it.”  
“Nae, yer the first. Whiskey girl, are yeh? After me own ‘art.”  
“What else isa proper Welshie to drink, eh?”  
As the two were talking, they saw an elegant man slip through the door. Salazar Slytherin, clad in green and silver slid through the crowd like water off a duck. He kept the hood of his green silk cloak over his head until he made it too the table.   
“Rowena Ravenclaw, and Helga Hufflepuff? I’m Salazar Slytherin.” He slipped off his hood to reveal red hair and a striking face  
“Aye, tis us yer lookin’ fer. Sit down, ‘ave a drink,” Rowena said  
“Figure, Gryffindor will be along soon? We did say six, didN’T we?” Helga asked motioning for the serving girl  
“Ay- oh lass, I’m knackered cannea get me some whiskey? - Gryffindor should be here ‘fore long proly bagged it somewhere” Salazar settled in to his seat, noting that both the women had whiskey in front of them as well. As the three began talking and getting to know eachother, they noticed a silence had fallen across the room. The doors to the pub had opened and a tall broad shouldered man had entered. Clad in a red and gold cloak, and bearing a magnificent beard, the quiet trio knew the man was Godric Gryffindor. He managed to command a space with ease, and as suddenly as everyone noticed his presence, they became at accustomed to it and went back to chatting. Gryffindor noticed the trio in the back of the room and made his way too them.   
“You three ‘ave to be the Ladies Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff, and the Lord Slytherin. I’m the Lord Gryffindor meself, but yeh can call me Godric. ‘Ave yeh seen the serving girl I’d kill for a pint now,” Godric bellowed causing the others to jump. “Skittish are we, sorry then I’ll quiet down. May I sit?”  
“Aye, yeh can sit if yeh promise to be quieter,” Rowena said  
“The serving lass should be by soon wit our whiskey’s, yeh can get yer pint o’ the black stuff then.” Salazar added.   
Helga had been quietly observing the loud Brit since he entered the pub and took this moment to speak, “Now that we’re all here, shall we get on with WHat we came to talk about? Our people’s situation? Or do we need a few moments more of idle chatter to get to know one another?” It was agreed that the group should get down to business. See they had been exchanging letters about the climate towards magical folks in the British Isles for some time. They had come to the conclusion that a magic school needed to be started to educate the children in the Isles.   
Throughout the evening the quartet drank and made plans to start their own magic school. They decided it would be in Scotland, Rowena’s homeland, because there were many empty spaces, it wasn’t across any channels, and it did not come with it’s own supply of dragons (this was a downside in Helga’s opinion). They didn’t know how they would contact potential students, what they would teach, who else they would involve, or much anything other than the location. The group made plans that night to meet up again in Scotland a month or so later to find a place for the school, and make more plans. They parted ways, staggering to their lodgings for the night, all quite satisfied with themselves.

**Author's Note:**

> You can find me on Tumblr at bookwormswillruletheworld


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